The Starlet Package™

Girls as young as thirteen can safely undergo these basic procedures—remember, you're never too young to start looking good where it counts. Think of the Starlet Package ™ as a luxurious day at the spa for your genitals (followed by a mere six to eight weeks of activity-reduced recovery time). From the backseat of your boyfriend's car to the Hollywood casting couch of your dreams, the Starlet Package ™ will give you the confidence you need to drop those drawers at the drop of a hat.

Laser interior/exterior hair removal
Labial microdermabrasion
Vulval chemical peel
Bulgarian deep tissue massage

The Comeback Package™

Has your boyfriend/husband recently packed up and left? Have you been passed over for promotion at work? Did you fail to get that part in the new movie/television show you just tried out for (despite having "nailed it" in audition)? Are you over the age of twenty-three? Then perhaps it's time to consider the Comeback Package™. In this enlightened age of internet pornography, men have come to expect a level of professionalism where it counts, and a trip to Victoria's Secret just isn't going to cut it. As they say in the world of macro vaginal photography, twenty is the new forty. In many cases, we can actually restore your vagina to an idyllic state of prepubescent splendor. All you'll have to do is unzip that fly, and we practically guarantee your lover and/or employer will be "coming" back for more. (Three to four month recovery time.*)

All the benefits of the Starlet Package™ plus:

Labial and/or clitoral trimming
Perineum shortening
Reduction of vaginal wall circumference

The Basic Instinct II Package™

Are you over the age of thirty? Or have you—gulp—had a baby or two? Well ladies, this is the package for you. You'll hike up your skirt with pride, knowing that your "ride" has been fully "pimped out." What good are a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants, and a nose job if you're not fully squared away where it counts? Combining traditional Western medicine with radically invasive techniques developed in the former Soviet Republic of Kazakhstan, the Basic Instinct II Package™ is sure to give you the confidence you so sorely lack. (Eight months to a year recovery time.*)

All the benefits of the Comeback Package™ plus:

Rectal tightening
Laser clitoral resurfacing
Liposuction of the mons pubis
Hymenoplasty

Have you talked to your doctor about VR?

Acclaimed artist Isabel Raven has!

Read Isabel's story and find out how choosing the right S.L.I.T. vaginal rejuvenation package helped her career explode where it counts.

jonathanselwood.com

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*Side effects are generally mild to severe, and may include partial numbness, incontinence, anal leakage, loss of sex drive, temporary paralysis, long-term paralysis, and death.

While a rejuvenated vagina is truly a priceless commodity, our price list is available upon request.